Inspired by my favourite Chinese Actress. She is known for her bold lip colour, full lashes, porcelain like skin and big dolly eyes. The keys to this look is a glowing complexion, bright lip colour and coral toned eyeshadow both under eyes and at the crease. Here's the how to video:
A few DSLR stills:
Last night I watched a Chinese movie about four young friends that join forces to pursue a career in the entertainment industry only to make it out barely alive or scarred for life. Mostly, it centralizes around how they fall into temptations to attach themselves to rich men that basically buy them out. With this, comes many scandals and all of the girls end up in ill fate. One gets murdered by her "second generation" rich young husband who ends up being over controlling. The other loses her entire savings in being scammed by her foreign fiancé which promises to buy a house together but stole all her bank funds. The 3rd girl falls off a stripper pole with head injury while performing for her husband/sugar daddy and his friends, only to be ushered out with disgust on order of her husband. The last girl got caught in a internet scandal which caused depression. At first I thought this movie was all so trivial and it didn't hold any relation to real life until the last scene as shown in the second picture. The manager of one of the girls brings her to a showroom with all the clothes she received from entertainment companies and tells her to take whatever she wants because she hardly touched them. Than she says "men treat women like these clothes, you are just a pretty dress or bag on the rack for them. One day you may be new and enticing to them, but the next day they may get sick of you and move on to another trend." This really hit home for me because I personally experienced this not only myself, but I see some of my closest friends going through it. The appeal of depending on an man. The appeal he offers when he tells you "don't have to worry about money", the times you get fine-dined or even receive a new car or apartment from them like one of these girls do.
It's all too appealing. However, people rarely give freely out of goodwill or genuine love. After all, free is expensive. Receiving expensive presents, being payed for, all that accumulates until it leaves a guilt/burden on you that you owe someone forever. Suddenly, those free meals and things here and there don't seem so "free" anymore. Money is just something men can control women with because it creates codepdence and on goes the spiral. As I like to call it, men in particularly offer you fake charity in order to benefit their own desires and selfishness. No matter how beautiful or loyal women you are, you may just get tossed out like trash and replaced and left with nothing if you have no solid foundation to begin with. Instead of relying on men and their preference for you for pathetic charity of monetary offering, why not build your own foundation? I often find myself considering to settle being a mediocre "housewife" because lets face it, in society the struggle is real. I have no idea where life is taking me but something inside me tells me I deserve more, I can accomplish more, I can do something with life. Which brings me to this video:
Maybe there's no "why" in life so far. Maybe I'm scared to see where life will actually take me if I did give it my all. I think that is the problem, hence why I stay in my comfort zone for fear my "all" is not enough. I have the proclivity to follow a certain routine, and I get upset when changes need to be made. I don't believe in my potential to make some sort of positive change such as in the video, I find myself within the past 21 years of my life constantly finding something to fill my time so I don't have to think about what really matters to me, what I want to do. Whether that's a minimum wage job where I hate every moment of it but just settle, or seeking relationships, or going on trips...anything to attempt to fill that void. When I actually think about my goals I get nervous. But I know I can do something significant, and no man or short cut is going to be my way of reaching it. I know it's up to be to fufill my potential.
I am very into illuminators and highlighters recently. I love the glow look especially now summer is around the corner, light makeup is the way to go.
I was at Empire hotel for a friend's birthday last weekend and took some amazing view shots of downtown Vancouver. There's so much commotion and buildings its quite overwhelming but serene at the same tine from this high up.
It's that time of the year where the sky gets dark later, with summer being just around the corner. Somewhere this week, this intense wave of depression swept over me out of nowhere. Maybe its because of the change in weather, reminding me of what I should be planning for the summer and my lack of plans. Or it's all the cumulative events that happened in March which I thought I got over but maybe have just been suppressing. That, with some other personal realizations along with final exams coming up. I hate it when I get this way because I don't even see hope coming and all I can do is wallow in a empty void. I think my personality is paradoxical because I like to be in control of everything, yet I'm in control of nothing. I fall for people too hard, worry too much, plan too much, doubt myself too much that in the end it all caves in on me and I just end up feeling non-functional. The last time this feeling hit was probably last summer. I feel like I'm always trying to run away from something by going out, getting attached to people, trying to build some false sense of security to keep myself so busy I can't overthink too much. But when I am alone for many days I truly realize what I was to begin with. I think after the whole drama in the beginning of March, I was stressing so much my mind just couldn't cope so I gave up caring.
For the past few weeks I've done along of socializing, partying, had many great moments because every good moment felt so fresh and new after what happened before. I was realized I could be back to "normal" again because I thought I fell into that void again and couldn't get myself out. Well, I guess it hit me again. I think I'm just sensitive and need time to "recharge" because I'm so exhausted now. At these low cycles I just have to tell myself it gets better, my life is going somewhere and I will meet worthwhile people again. I just need to wait it out.
" MY PROBLEM IS THAT I FALL IN LOVE WITH WORDS, RATHER THAN ACTIONS. I FALL IN LOVE WITH IDEAS AND THOUGHTS, INSTEAD OF REALITY. AND IT WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME. "
I been thinking a lot lately about my mind patterns and habits when it comes love, and I concluded that I tend to attach myself very easily to strangers. Yes, to strangers that I met just once or twice but somehow my imagination runs free and fils in the blanks of what I don't know about them until I see a perfect image of them. The more I think about someone like this, the more I get myself psyched up at loving the ideal of them. If they had a nice feature, my mind could exaggerate this until its the only thing I can see. I tend to fall blindly in love and ignore all the red flags or warnings people around me give. I always think, there's no way someone I like so much can turn out the opposite of what I believe and this is where I always go wrong. I hardly get to know someone first, and always look for the smallest signs they like me than in an attempt to make them stay in my life, make some sort of confession to them and end up wearing my heart on my sleeve. When I look back, the things I did are really mind baffling but at the moment seemed to make perfect sense. My friends always say they admired me for having the courage to "go all out for guys you fall for" and now thinking back, it is true.
When I like someone, I can sacrifice my own dignity and apologize for things I didn't do. I don't mind what they drive, I want to pay for our dinners, I want to buy them a lot of presents, I want to be thoughtful, its not about the money but how I can make them happy through my gestures. I never thought about it like this but I feel like I have a lot of love to give and if someone was serious, I could love someone for a long time. However, its unfortunate the people I liked never appreciated me simply because I idealized them so much that I refused to get to know them first. Even if I get screwed over in the end, I still want love people my way but I want to improve on placing less significance and idealizing them so much. I want to have a healthier view on love and value myself in the entire process. I believe there is someone out there and I just have to remind myself to stop settling for bits and pieces here and there for some false sense of security or fall in love with the idea I created of them in my head. I have to keep reminding myself people are not what they appear to be. I know one day someone will appreciate all my efforts, and I will wait this time because I know what I deserve now.
I don't deserve empty promises, sugarcoated words, two-timing men, men that think about cheating, who try to keep me as insecure as them by trying to put me down, who compare me with other girls, and every other negative quality that caused me anguish. No, I will wait for the right person and if they don't ever come along in my life..I'd rather be alone rather than settle again.
