CATHY HUANG: March 2016

Dear Zachary: Documentary Thoughts

By Cathy H - 2:30 AM

I’ve just finished watching this and had me in tears the entire time. Anger, hurt, sadness, and also deep humble-ness and incredulous disbelief at the things the grandparents endured. Things like this make me wonder why such excessive suffering is necessary sometimes, why a slew of bad events happen like a dominoes effect at those that have been wrecked by tragedy in layers upon layers.

If I were in the grandparents position I could not imagine pushing through this, let alone come out and advocate for reforms in the corrupt legal system that with its insanely complicated procedures and lack of common sense/tunnel vision, do not seem to protect the very people that need it the most. This case was too much for me to handle, at least how the documentary portrayed it. I do not believe anybody should go through repetitive trauma like Kate and David has, to lose both their son and grandson and be forced to associate and comply with their son's killer and mother of their grandson who was evidently an dangerous premeditated sociopath. But with tragedy, it has brought their friends and family together and have helped reform laws for child protection. However, it does not justify the gross justice misconduct and corruption from every aspect of the legal system. That this suffering was all unnecessary and if anyone had the slightest bit of common sense, this could all be prevented. I sincerely pray for peace for the grandparents, and I also wonder who incessant suffering exists without any inherent reason at all. There is loss in life, but than there is LOSS...where sympathy and empathy cannot even begin to comprehend what these people have suffered. A lot of times after learning about something happening to others, I get a strong urge to pray for their wellbeing. Not like I'm religious but I feel that I need to do at least something to "reach out" to them. I don't know, it was a rollercoaster of emotions and I was not expecting that. I only know I am deeply humbled by how these people have dealt with these circumstances and have made something positive from it.

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Spiritual Memos on a Plane

By Cathy H - 6:43 PM

Ever since I came back to Vancouver I have been reading a lot of Buddhist books and hearing talks from my favourite monk, Ajahn Brahm. I remembered one Wednesday afternoon while editing pictures and listening to a talk on "impermanence", the part where Ajahn said that it was beautiful, death. That the impermanence of life touches everyone but yet is the most deepest peaceful realization ever. It brought me to tears. Not just because I've really come to accept this fact over the years but thinking about all the people still suffering in their thoughts and not realizing this fact made me happy and sad at the same time. And today I read a section on death again, that life is given and happens but you must enjoy it in the center balance. It just made me think that maybe I've been applying these concepts and truths to my life all this time and not quite realized it. Or is it because I changed from a year ago? All these new experiences did hit me after all. Thinking about death constantly these days makes life so.....fulfilling. It is quite morbid but utterly peaceful at the same time. That I was given this life by birthright lottery and I get these privileges and special experiences that I truly don't deserve. I believe in angels and fate but for the most part I really feel the temporal nature of all things.
Since I've came back to Canada, I have been surprisingly at peace..with everything really. I feel such happiness at small things like dinner on the table, getting takeout, meeting up with friends and hearing their stories and how they are living their lives. Everything has been so beautiful and I don't know why. Maybe because I've seen third world poverty. The realization that contrary to western society belief we all deserve a fair life free from suffering, the reality is that we are actually ignorant of the fact that suffering is the basis of life, as Buddhism teaches. I have been living like I'm about to die soon or something, it's weird. But life seems so simple. God has given me so much already and sitting in this plane, my 10th flight in 2 months, back from Hawaii makes me feel a little overwhelmed at the amount of travelling I've done and why life is going so good these days. All I can do is be grateful. I don't think I could ask more from life. I don't have the right to be unsatisfied. When there's people out there working 12H a day sewing clothes for $3, what right do I have to complain? I still have a lot of work to do mentally and I know I'm flawed but I am so grateful for finding Buddhism.


I really don't know where I'd be without it, it's been my pillar throughout all these years. It's given me the wisdom to appreciate life, to treat people lightly and not judge so harshly, to understand the transient nature of my very existence really. A peace of mind is an invaluable gift and I believe I was led to find this. I've never been more at peace with life than now, and whatever happens I will remember gods blessings on my life and the Angels he has sent to fulfill my life in every possible way. Knowing that death comes for all of us in the end, and no matter how hard we struggle, we all become a pile of ash at the end is liberating. I want to take a moment to thank whatever it is that's been guiding me all these years, god or Buddhism or fate itself for all the right experiences and wisdoms I need to reach this point in my life. Thank you.