The long awaited week has come where I will be flying to Korea in 2 days to stay there for a year to 1.5 years. It seemed like yesterday where I got the acceptance notice on Halloween and celebrating it by dancing away with my friends the night I found out. The past 2 months have been a blur of trip planning, getting my documents and essential travel items together, and spending time with my friends+bf. It's a weird feeling..something like ambivalence to say goodbye to this city I've lived in practically my whole life. Yes, I am so ready to escape it and wouldn't want to have it any other way, but at the same time the memories and people I've known here are hard to leave behind. I cannot even process the fact that I'll have to cook for myself, shop, pay the bills, travel and make completely new friends this year. That I'll spend 4 seasons in another country. 

And most of all even though I keep it on the down low, I think the hardest goodbye is to the boyfriend. Because no matter what, there is no nice way of telling someone "thanks for the nice memories and here's to an uncertain future of never seeing each other again. Cheers!!" Even though I realize it may not appear SUCH a huge deal on the surface, because a lot of couples have been together for years before one of them decide to travel and they still break up before one leave. It's only been a little over 4 months for us, but somehow it just seems so paramount of everything we done together and everything he's done for me. But the thing about long distance relationships is you can never PROMISE them anything because you just don't know. Ofcourse I don't want to be the ass who moves to a new place and forgets everyone from the past, but realistically thinking...I'll meet so many people, new experiences, new outlooks, new morals etc. How can I guarantee I'll never change? 

The reason I think long distance relationships are so hard is not because I've got my eyes set on new people that I wanna date and wanna have the freedom to meet whomever I wish, but just the sheer amount of time apart that I don't get to spent with them, when I'm making new memories with other people in completely new places. Most of the time, it just leads both parties into feeling like they're being left out. Though I don't believe he'll just meet random people and socialize every night, it is just hard to say how much pent up resentment, annoyance, and tiredness the other person experiences trying to talk to someone through the screen every night for not even a few months but an entire 4 seasons?? Though this is completely new for me, I still think I owe it to us to give an effort. Even if it fails it's better than nothing right? At least I'll gain experience and know if this kind of stuff is for me right? And than there's the sickening feeling of knowing we may never see each other again if it ends badly. All those memories made just can't continue anymore. Sometimes I think I'm ok, because I always end up fine without needing someone but other times I feel like life would be so colourless without us being together. But I know that's just life, it's another hurdle thrown and the price I have to pay for what I decided. 

So good luck to me this year...hopefully I'll learn to be less bratty, improve my language skills, meet people from all over the world and have a damn good time doing it! I believe things happen for a reason, and even if things fell apart it's for better stuff to come together. I've almost got everything packed and it's almost goodbye!