The Difficulty with the Power of Now

7:51 AM

After struggling to practice the "Power of Now" upon reading Eckhart Tolle's books, I now understand what is the root of this difficulty. Or the root of why buddhism is a hard practice, against the conventional thinking of society. Despite knowing about egoic traps, staying in the presence, finding peace and love inside oneself- I still manage to delude myself on a daily basis at all the new experiences, people, and all other possible potential outside distractions that promise a "better me." For example, I met a certain someone last week for literally a day and a half...the encounter was lighthearted and casual in itself, but my mind starts to weave a "story" of us. This led of expectations and disappointment, not because they wronged me in some way but because I've placed them on such a place of importance. What I realize is that it's never about the outer experience or people that bring suffering and the endless needing and wanting that accompanies daily living..it's about my inner state and what I think they represent to me. It's actually ALL me...spinning stories, emotions, feelings of yes and no, resistance and endless wanting. It's never them..because events and people just happen and will continue to happen beyond my control. 

So the difficult with staying in the present moment is this self-filtered judgement of every single experience and the way OTHER people behave..that essentially have nothing to do with my self-worth, happiness, or peace. As the saying goes "nothing can hurt you without your permission." For example, someone I liked didn't /text me back/ or /try hard enough/. These are just my inner judgements about the situations. But the fact and reality in itself happens, which does not go out of their way to benefit or destroy my mood in any kind of way. The fact is, people make every situation specially "personal" to them despite things that are already inevitably happening everyday beyond their control. Ever since I've moved to a new country and gone through doing daily tasks and interacting with new people/experiences...I realized that the biggest reassurance for daily living is believing that the universe is on my side. That it does not go out of its way to make things more difficult for me or bring me down. That despite what my mind says, I'm living well and I'm capable of functioning on a daily basis without being anxious over every single thing. I accept and recognize my constant inner complaints about life and people along with all my wants and needs. And somehow, just observing this is bringing me peace. I try to accept the state I'm in everyday, no matter good or bad. That its literally all in my head..and life is never as serious as the mind makes it out to be. And despite "staying in the present moment" still being a difficulty to me, I'm starting to see things more clearly and appreciate things a lot more. I really do believe the universe in on my side for all the people I've met so far that's done good for me and all despite so many "multiverses", I've landed in this one where I am currently satisfied with my life. 

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