Law of Detachment and Relationships
By Cathy H - 2:09 AM
Lately, I feel like I'm being misunderstood about my intentions and the way I choose to live. I feel like I'm being accused of "not caring" or being detached when I should be filled with joy,hope and love. It's not that I don't care or I'm some "cold" human being that doesn't get sad when I affect people or see them going through a hard time, yes I do emphasize/sympathize with them. But it's on a deeper level...realizing that detachment makes living much happier and lighter.
I don't make anything so important to the point for I concentrate my entire life energy on it. As Eckhart Tolle says "the words “This, too, will pass” are pointers toward Reality. In pointing to the impermanence of all forms, by implication, they are also pointing to the eternal. Only the eternal in you can recognize the mpermanent as impermanent.” it's just that I've realize the unimportance of my very existence and all the life situations I encounter. I'm well aware of the clinging,end desires, attachments, and worries about the past/future that come with living on a daily basis. The undeniable fact is that nothing in the world lasts forever, therefore to concentrate my energy and devotion towards one thing is like emotional suicide. They say that heartbreak can literally kill a person and I emphasize with that. To make someone your entire world, is like the feeling that suddenly there is meaning to your existence, that someone cares,thinks,loves you and there is potentially a forever with them. This feeling is just like a drug, and the reason why so many couples get hurt, angry (even myself) at each other is that we are always looking for constant assurance from the outer world that we are important, we matter, and we are loved. Because of this, people misunderstand each other and are so scared of being left and abandoned.
Think about it. You made that person your entire identity. You are their "girlfriend" or "boyfriend" or "husband/wife." You guys fulfill a role for each other. Without them, suddenly there is a gap..and the ego wonders "who am I than if they left me?" So that's where the heartbreak starts. That person didn't do it to you, you did it to yourself. You chose to make them a part of you, to use them to cover for your own painful existence, to pretend there is a forever. To convince yourself life cannot go on without them anymore when it was fine before you met them. All this constitutes what we define "love" which I find so ridiculous. It's so exhausting fulfilling the emotional need of another unconscious human being who tries to convince you they are your centre of the world.
The fact is, life itself is unimportant. Inner peace cannot ever leave if you decide you want nothing else but that. Thus, why I also choose to detach. I literally don't care, but not in a bad way. I don't look for a conclusive ending. I don't look for closure. I don't expect, cling, accuse or act desperate because I already know the end result of everything I face and everyone I come across. They all end.
It's so simple but profound. And it makes me enjoy the present moment more because I know all things will end. It's bittersweet, yet transformative because whatever good/bad things happen I know when it ends there is another cycle of good/bad things to come. And that's just the ebb and flow of life. Instead of trying to resist it and claim a forever in transitory things, I've learned that the law of detachment brings me inner peace,love,and happiness that no one can ever take away from me.
"When you love someone, you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet, this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of time and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible in life, as in love, is in growth, in fluidity – in freedom. The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what it was, nor forward to what it might be, but living in the present and accepting it as it is now. For relationships, too, must be like islands. One must accept them for what they are here and now, within their limits – islands surrounded and interrupted by the sea, continuously visited and abandoned by the tides. One must accept the serenity of the winged life, of ebb and flow, of intermittency."
"When you love someone, you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet, this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of time and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible in life, as in love, is in growth, in fluidity – in freedom. The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what it was, nor forward to what it might be, but living in the present and accepting it as it is now. For relationships, too, must be like islands. One must accept them for what they are here and now, within their limits – islands surrounded and interrupted by the sea, continuously visited and abandoned by the tides. One must accept the serenity of the winged life, of ebb and flow, of intermittency."
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