Still Into You❤
By Cathy H - 12:48 AM
'Cause after all this time, I'm still into you. I should be over all the butterflies
But I'm into you"
Listening to "Still Into You" and thinking about someone very special I met in Montreal and from than..well lets just say I can't stop thinking about him. I don't even know where it began..but knowing myself once I like someone, I just get so hardcore emotionally attached. I don't even trust myself anymore with "love" because I just go through too many phases. I tried to keep it in but I can't! I even told him to my parents the first night back, which is something I rarely do. I know I don't know him that well and people saying I just like the "image of him" but so what..do I really need to see the negative side of everyone, I just want to remember the positive :) When I like someone I just want to protect them & never let them get hurt, so I always send them some good wishes and prayers. I hope he's receiving it :) On the last day to the airport I just got a wave of depression knowing the distance that's going to come between us..and on the plane I started feeling really bittersweet so I wrote this note on my phone while literally trying not to cry...I don't even know why I was like that sigh...
"Sometimes it's better to let go immediately if you feel for someone. Without opportunities, there is also no chance for disappointment. Liking someone always brings momentous joy followed by waves of envy or greed to possess. For me, I guess the mental stimulation is enough to keep me going. If I liked someone and I made a move, confessed and actually got to know them entirely- I'm scared they'd never be how I thought of them in my head. I guess this is avoiding reality...but at the same time promises that are not made can never be broken, right? I tend to give up immediately instead or actually experiencing it out for myself, instead preferring to envision in my head my ideal image of them. It's odd how many attachment phases I go through...but each time it is so vivid it almost drives me crazy with obsession, but passes as strongly as it comes.
In Montreal I met you ___ times, even though we are from completely different backgrounds and morals I found a little bit of myself in you. I love your personality and the way you believe in the optimism when there are so many things that gets us down. It's surprising how friendly you are despite the physical appearance you may give off. I am in awe of how you are able to be so goal orientated and make something of yourself despite hard circumstances. I love that we both share the same views on ______ and how refreshing it is to meet someone that can actually successfully apply this to their life. Despite me not talking much in front of you, I have gotten to know you from afar. You are a really great person and I only want good things to happen to you. You are such a kind,goal orientated and motivated person. I believe meeting you was not a coincidence. I know I may not be your type. But that is not very relevant because I realize after all this time that liking someone is just wanting the best for them to be happy. I hope in this world we will get a chance to meet again, I will always think of you when I go through bad times. I wish I could tell you this in person but it is only something I want to keep feeling. As Murakami said, it is better holding someone in your heart as they serve as the oil in a lamp post to keep one going through dark times~ I just overwhelming want you to keep experiencing the good. Ill always keep you in my thought :")"
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