CATHY HUANG: January 2013

Birthday BLACK AND BLUE Vancouver Dineout + Party!

By Cathy H - 11:51 AM

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I feel like I'm beginning to drift apart from the so called "typical life" everyone else leads. You know, that monogamous relationship with one guy at a time and saying sweet things than going out for dinner together. Nothing really sparks my interest doing these things as they did before..last year at this time I was sitting in my room wondering where my life had gone and when I could find someone as soon as possible. I guess up until this year there was always a void within that needed to be fulfilled...I needed someone to give me meaning and tell me I was worth it and mind me when I was down. But now I can do all those things by myself, I find this reliance on myself wonderful because for the first time in my life I'm not chasing people. If they want to leave my life, I'm more than willing to hold the door open for them and once they're gone, the lock is on and I'm done with them.

I don't find interest in seeking self worth from others for the sake of reputation anymore. I feel like my days are spent so much more quiet and present than all that mental noise before filling my mind with doubts and panicking about getting to the next point. I guess the most important thing is learning to drop the idea of a past or future. I don't know if this counts as isolating myself from others, because I am a very social and outspoken person with a good friendship circle and alot of people there for me. I just figured I'm done with trying to prove to the world who I am, because I already know myself. I am so at peace with everything that days seem to pass in slow motion, I feel like everyone needs to reach this point before they want to seek a relationship or reaching a "future goal."

I feel like so many people are lost without a significant other to define them, they don't look at themselves and realize how special they are. It's not everything to have another person, the most important thing is to realize that person cannot satisfy your emptiness and perfect you for long because everything passes and fades. Events and people are like that first snowfall in winter time: beautiful and fresh at first, than slowly melts and sometimes turn muddy. I don't know how to continue relationships with people realizing this, I guess I'm just going to try my best to teach them this whole concept of "not relying on form."