Chill out.

3:04 PM


Today is just a stay home day, and I was thinking why I'm so angry at my bf 24/7. Honestly why am I always so dramatic? It has literally exhausted me and gave me nightmares. I find these days after that longass entry I just stopped caring. If he comes back and doesnt sustain anything anymore I would not feel a thing. I guess it's like stretching a band too much until it snaps and there's none of it left, because that entry was like my "breaking point" and after 2 nights of reflection I just kinda stopped and "moved on" with life. I'm not trying to be some superior shit and rise above it, but why am I so negative all the time? After all people are only humans and he has given me alot and been there when nobody else has, through all these school days and everytime I dont have a place to stay or eat they always welcomed me! And what kind of boy can buy me a dog again and raise it for that many months? Who delivered food for me at midnight and  waited for 5 hours just to drive me home?  I couldn't even raise the dog I wanted myself for a few days. So now I've come to realize I AM grateful for the time and moments we spent together, he has given me alot. I think people are always afraid to say and think too many positive things about someone, and for every positive aspect they could probably list 3 times more negative ones. That's what the world has become..but why should I be apart of it?

People, places, structures are UNSTABLE. "this too, shall pass" and everything is a cycle. Highs and lows, but they are just highs and lows and it happens. That is just, frankly part of life. People walk into my life and share with me some moments that sometimes sustain longer than others, and that is all. There's no need to be vile and hateful if people stop acting the way you want them to, because eventually everybody leaves. That is NATURAL. So I just wanna say, whatever happens I will always remember that window of good times with someone and wish them the best with life. That is when you realize true peace instead of repetitive blaming and addictive clinging. We should all be like a deep lake where it is forever still at the bottom no matter what winds, currents and weather occurs at the top. Every other action, whether to get back at someone or belittle and make fun of them is a result of egoic needs and ultimately destructive. Do we want that? No. Think of everything that once made you smile to help you enjoy everyday. That is how it should be done. 

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