Relationship Mind Games

By Cathy H - 3:03 AM

I'm really tired of the "mental challenge" in relationships...I used to think the book "Why Men Love Bitches" was my relationship bible, but now all of this really exhausts me. The reason why it exhausts me is that the book proves to be 100% true in every situation I face. When I treat men on equal terms in the beginning and don't place a high emphasis on them in my life, they tend to stay more interested and try to pursue me. However..the minute I drop my guard and say a few desperate words of emotion attempting to gain some of their compassion, all hell breaks loose and shit hits the fan. I'm always the one to overcompensate at the end, to apologize first, to give more love and effort than I initially planned to in the beginning. Thus, I always get hurt more easily because I don't want the other person to feel like I'm being a indecent, unloving and hostile person. The worst part is, all of   my consideration backfires and instead turns men to cocky and cold people that think they can use my kindness to walk over me. 

How many times have I pondered hundreds of times and over how much I hurt their feelings and upset them? How many times have I blamed myself for minuscule issues and end up putting myself down to make them feel better? I don't think I'll ever learn my lesson just because I give too much of myself away in the end. As much as I want to be that "bitch", I could never stick with it until the end. In the end, I'm always the more attached person. What really breaks my spirit is why two people in a relationship have to play so many games to keep each other interested. Why do I have to make him feel like he "didn't 100% conquer me yet" and why does my kindness give him a ego boost & make him too proud to talk to me? Why can't two people just be with each other properly...I always tell myself the next guy is different, the next guy won't break my heart and take my kindness for granted. However, they are the same in the end. Fall too much into their trap, and they'll leave you down there wondering how you got there in the first place. I feel like every time I get out of a relationship, but spirit is broken along with my trust. 

Someone who used to tell you how special you are and said they'll care for you endless one moment, gives you the cold shoulder for endless days the next. However, I feel that I need to go through these things to understand how to detach and let go. The more they point that arrow to my heart when I handed them the bow myself, the more immune I grow and the further steps I take to consciousness. In the end, as long as I gave it my all and remain a decent person- it's all that matters. I just wish people wouldn't step all over me and push me away thinking they "got me hooked" when I show them my feelings. It's just tiring me out and I don't want to hold grudges...these mind games are too much for me.  I'm too weak for them and I'm way too naive in my heart to trust my mind when I see red flags. How they can abandon me, ignore me, disrespect me when all I did was show my genuine side? I guess I'll have to smarten up and be that "bitch" if I want keep my dignity in the future. 

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  1. Great post! I was looking for blog that talk about life, love or health.
    Keep it up!