By Cathy H - 2:45 PM

This must be the month I was the most depressing, hopeless etc. for no apparent reason at all. I know I wrote entries similar to this one but I have at least half come to terms with reality. Why must I deserve continual good things to happen to me, why should I expect everyone to treat me amazingly and to have everything to be spoonfed and given to me and for everyone to cater to me? That was my old expectations, sometimes I was just so angry at everyone because nothing met my standards. And even knowing how important it was to stay in the now, I traded that for staying in the past or fretting over the future. As I know, every cycle has a high and low. This must be near the low and even though I dont like it, I am accepting it. I lack things I want and people I want in my life for the same reason why there are billionaires and starving child labors and terminally ill people all over the world. Everything is relative, there will never be a true feeling of wholeness. But you must accept the level you're born into, because acceptance means being at peace with life. And with this, though there may be nothing to look forward to tommorow at least every day is a new day at my level. Acceptance of my level..I am working on it.

I have not truly say I've lived without traveling the world first, I know I've done lots of traveling but I plan to conquer more places. I just need a getaway, maybe just spontaneously land in a foreign country and adapt there for a month or so. I miss that feeling because it always made me feel at one with the world. What's to do now is to focus on the tasks on hand and seek little pleasures here and there as much as I can.. Opportunities will arise.

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