A little while ago, I asked my coworker "would you rather choose the exact life you want while sitting in experience machine of stimulated reality for the rest of your life, or struggle through this life and try to get the exact experiences you want?" She replied, "I'm unsure, in real life you have autonomy and freedom to not follow an exact life path I guess". That made me think about the futility of life either way.
In the experience machine, I could choose to achieve the very things I dream about everyday, be with the perfect person, live in the perfect city. In real life, everything would never be like that. And than I realized, life is a dream after all. There's no difference between any of that because everything exists in the mind. The mind dictates everything. But why, within this dream does everything feel constantly out of place? Why does it seem like I'm trying to fit a square into a circle again and again? Why does it seem like a "almost"? Why does it seem like I can't hit a single pin with a bowling ball even with the gutter guards up?
The more time goes on, the more I understand the never-ending reach for something not there, despite the ego promising there would be a finish line. Everything in real life feels like a "I guess for now..but" instead of a "wow, this is it". Despite a wide array of literature convincing one to meditate on the present moment, it is too hard to do due to primitive instincts to survive and thrive. I never understood people who just went with the flow. I struggle severely to imagine a life where I did not have a plan what to do next. This on top of everyone else seemingly floating through life, showing off their highlight reels like I do on a daily basis raises even more anxiety and questioning of "what will happen next?' I can't even word this "je ne sais quois" feeling of driving home everyday wondering if this is it, this is how it is supposed to be, and how I'm so very tired life filled with millions of groundhog days and a few minuscule moments of pure content.
My eyes burn from lack of sleep and my mind is enervated with the constant proclivity of dashing from one thought to another, wondering to the heavens what will happen to me. One night as I was falling sleep, I thought how nice it really was. Forfeiting this state of inquietude.
So that's the real life. So of course, I would choose the experience chamber of being uploaded the exact reality I want. I don't even mind losing the autonomy, because in real life- autonomy makes us greedy and anxious. Of endless possibilities on what could be more but still dwelling in a single possibility everyday. If there was a heaven, it would be a stimulated reality for me. A lifelong dream of the most fulfilling, least troublesome life I could ever imagine.
