Over the course of this year, I finally understood the concept of instability. I not only understand that outside forces are impermanent, but even within me. My preferences, thought process, are ever changing and sometimes I look back and wonder why I ever thought a specific way. Or was so set on someone and gave them everything I got, only to feel absolutely nothing a few days later. I don't think anyone really knows what they want. We want to hold onto pieces of everybody we come across even knowing they will slip through the crack of our hands sooner or later.
I don't know what this thing is we seek. Maybe instability is unnatural and uncomfortable. But I believe that those who realize it will experience unconditional love. They are free to experience whatever passes by without expecting a single thing. No background noises. Just an appreciation for what was had. Also, there are no rights or wrongs to anything. Only facts. It is up to us to determine how we want to interpret those facts in our minds. That's the difference between suffering and liberation.
These people I wanted to be part of my life, but instead are not here at all. Or under different circumstances, we couldn've walked down a very long path together. But does it really matter? I don't think it matters. I just can't bring myself to get attached to outcomes because thats foolish. I'm letting everything play out. I imagine life like a lengthy fictional novel. Many chapters but all with an conclusion at the end. That conclusion doesn't mean the story is over. I can flip back through posts, pictures etc. but those are the past. And the future is being lived and written. Towards the end, it will be nothing but a interesting story. Stacked somewhere in a vast library. Maybe that's what everyone's here to do, fill out a book with their life's content.
