How do I begin to describe Dubai? It was a incredible feeling, a mix of fascination and awe that I had finally made it to the city of my dream after almost 3 years of dreaming. I'm very grateful to have shared this experience with one of my best friends. It's nice not to wait for a 24 hour flight alone and have someone to talk to, unlike my solo trips in the past. The Dubai Mall and Burj Khalifa was everything I ever imagined. The staggeringly high structure, complimented by blue skies and a massive fountain was a the epitome of luxury and prestige. No country does it as well as Dubai. The biggest and best of everything. And they sure uphold that quality. Our hotel was immaculate, there is almost no trash on the ground, everything is of the highest standard. Finally taking a picture here was definitely one of my bucket lists! And the view from the 125th floor.... everything happened quickly. My friend felt ill so she went back to the hotel, leaving me to photograph the cityscape alone. Even though I was sleep deprived, the experience was incredible.
You know that feeling of finally seeing a place materialize in front of your eyes after envisioning it in your head for a long time? That's London to me. As part of me and my friend's Dubai 2017 trip, British Airways landed in UK with a 6 hour layover- giving us just enough time to visit one of the main tourist attractions. All the houses were like privet drive from Harry Potter, it was a lazy Sunday morning with barely anyone walking on the roads. The feeling was absolutely surreal. When we finally arrived a Windsor castle, everything I ever imagined about what London would be like came true. From the fancy McDonalds buildings, to the majestic castle, to the instagram friendly colourful architectures dotting the streets. We even had time to get souvenirs, which I never thought we could pull off! This was my first preview of Europe, and it was definitely amazing.
If I could sum up every memory this year with a Porter Robinson song, I could pinpoint the exact moment I was listening to that song. The WORLDS album has made an unbelievable impact on my personal life. I'll never forget all the times I listened to "Goodbye to a World" whether it was sitting alone at 12am on my birthday in Cambodia, or on my grad day, or a very late drive home after a night out. The depths of this song along brings back a childhood innocence, when the world wasn't complicated and everything was intriguing. The synths, the chord progressions, the intricate layers that went into his entire album never fail to blow my mind. It takes a genius to make music like this. His songs feel like putting a tiny flower under a microscope and seeing an explosion of details come to life. The exact feeling of ethereal. To me, it is truly timeless and has been a very integral part of 2016.
It makes me think about the world in a very simplistic way, a little bit of warmth and nostalgia. Like a fast motion rewind clip of the past- little bits and pieces of the new people I've met and the experiences we shared together. But everything feels fleeting and nothing is concrete, every person say "Goodbye to a World" daily. It only makes me think of the good memories. There is just something about every single song that evokes a strong feeling, as if to say- in the end everything will be ok. Like every moment is passing by and every person is just another passenger on the train of life. It doesn't matter what we've lost and what we've won, what we've done or whom we've met- those pieces of everything we keep within ourselves and in times of peril- the good memories keep us going. Those are the thoughts going through my mind when those songs come on.
Though my biggest regret is not seeing WORLDS live, I saw Porter's Shelter tour in collaboration with Madeon. The feeling of the seeing the person responsible for creating this masterpiece of an album is the closest feeling of unconditional love. Nothing mattered in that moment, and there were many thoughts running through my mind. Thinking of all the locations and times where his songs played and how he was just standing across the room from me. It was pure magic. Everything was healed in that moment. I thought about how far I've come and when "Fresh Static Snow" & "Goodbye to a World" came on, combined with the visuals and lights- it felt like pure ecstasy. That night was one of the best memories of my life.
I still remember Dec 31st, 2015 in Busan, ecstatic beyond belief and surrounded by my friends in a new country, watching the confetti and balloons drop as we all did the 10 second countdown to 2016. I remember that so vividly. Now it'll be another new year in 2 weeks. I can't fathom the inexplicable reality of time passing. Like everything was all yesterday, but life is also a big, massive day of the same repetitive activity over and over again. Like the movie Groundhog Day. Everything is happening so fast yet so slow. The days creep by until it seemed like the new year is about to arrive with a flip of a single page. Sometimes I envision a 10 second clips of my entire life in 2016 compressed into a blur of moments, the nights out, the 11 plane rides, the sights I photographed.
This year will be incredible, I told myself no matter what happens. That's because I set foot in a total of 6 countries by the third month of 2016. Every month this year felt like its own chapter, completely different from the other.
Come January, I was walking around on dusty roads riding a tuk tuk. Come Feburary, I did stayed up until 4am on the first night in Beijing. Come March, I saw a sunset 4,600 meters above ground. And than April & May were filled with mundane days. Summer was a blur of work and volunteer. Fall was full of Halloween costume planning and now I'm sitting here typing this. Nothing this year really fit with each other. I experienced a extremely dynamic array of friendships and connections in addition to physical locations. I still remember when I was 13, sitting in the same Computer chair weekend after weekend, thinking if life was always going to be the same. And now 10 years later, I've experienced a plethora of events beyond my dreams. Life for the past 2 years has felt like a dream. When I hear others say they've had a difficult year, I truly can't relate as nothing terrible has happened for so long. I don't know if its my mindset or life itself that gets progressively better with time.
Life feels like a movie. Many fadeout scenes from one person to another, one location to another, non-stop. I'm very grateful this 2016 worked out in my favour. I don't have any resolutions but to let life truly run its course, as I'm not reacting, and letting it all play out in front of my eyes. Let's see what 2017 has in store.
Over the course of this year, I finally understood the concept of instability. I not only understand that outside forces are impermanent, but even within me. My preferences, thought process, are ever changing and sometimes I look back and wonder why I ever thought a specific way. Or was so set on someone and gave them everything I got, only to feel absolutely nothing a few days later. I don't think anyone really knows what they want. We want to hold onto pieces of everybody we come across even knowing they will slip through the crack of our hands sooner or later.
I don't know what this thing is we seek. Maybe instability is unnatural and uncomfortable. But I believe that those who realize it will experience unconditional love. They are free to experience whatever passes by without expecting a single thing. No background noises. Just an appreciation for what was had. Also, there are no rights or wrongs to anything. Only facts. It is up to us to determine how we want to interpret those facts in our minds. That's the difference between suffering and liberation.
These people I wanted to be part of my life, but instead are not here at all. Or under different circumstances, we couldn've walked down a very long path together. But does it really matter? I don't think it matters. I just can't bring myself to get attached to outcomes because thats foolish. I'm letting everything play out. I imagine life like a lengthy fictional novel. Many chapters but all with an conclusion at the end. That conclusion doesn't mean the story is over. I can flip back through posts, pictures etc. but those are the past. And the future is being lived and written. Towards the end, it will be nothing but a interesting story. Stacked somewhere in a vast library. Maybe that's what everyone's here to do, fill out a book with their life's content.















































