I recently came across an article that talks about FoMo or "fear of missing out" which describe's people's anxiety and apprehension that they are missing out on life. That every moment should be special, amazing, happy as their friend's social media feed. That there is always an air of mundane-ness and deep-rooted dissatisfaction with whenever the person is and whatever they are doing. I thought this describes my life perfectly. People always say their end goal is to be "happy". However, there is always something NOT right about the present moment. Even if it is a happy one, there is always a deep-rooted anxiety and angst about it. Either that it will not last or there will be boring and displeasurable moments that follow. I think this is so true now I look back at my entire life.
If I were going to my favourite restaurant, I was worrying about how full the restaurant was or how fast the food would take to arrive. When I went on a vacation to Hawaii, I was worried about capturing all the nice photos and even got a deep gash on my leg trying to take pictures of fish underwater despite heavy currents. When I got a puppy, I was happy for maybe one moment-but on the ride home with the puppy on my lap I was overwhelmed by responsibility and uncertainty. Behind every "happy" moment was always overclouded by anxiety for the future. Conversely, I also had a "fear of missing out" in life whenever I scrolled down my newsfeed or chatted with a friend that had a better summer/week than I did. Maybe going around Europe, nice dates with their boyfriend, instagram strangers with seemingly perfect and envious lives. It never ended!
As a result, I think I was and am still always trying to aim for the next best thing. After reading a book called "the untethered soul" I came to recognize the "voice" in my head which exists in everyone else's. The voice that follows me everyone and talks chaotically wherever I go. It says "this moment isn't enough! Look at his/her/their life you need to keep going forward! You need to go to all these new places and than you'll be happy!! This isn' it!" Or even if I was at a very beautiful place like a park, the voice would say "wow it's very nice. But I'm kind of cold. I'm kind of hungry now, when will I leave to get some food? How long do I have to sit here for?" and the voice goes on and on. Always full of doubt, creating anxiety, focused on the imperfection of the moment and future. The book said this is the "unconscious" part of the mind, which I believe gives people the fear of missing out. The reality is that, everyone's life gets mundane at some point, and of course everyone has to share their best moments on social media. In comparison with others, people keep bettering their experiences and self-presentation to feel like their life is worthy. It's so silly, but everyone's so caught up in it.
Before moving halfway across the world, I thought "as soon as I got there I'll start new and have no more worries!" We all think the next best experience or living someone else's life will bring fulfillment but it really doesn't. No matter where we end up, there will always be something imperfect. I'm just starting to accept the fact that the "voice" is full of mindless chatter that is trying to control my world because it is vulnerable and nervous. That wherever we end up, life will be just fine! That whatever experiences I have no matter how good or bad, they are just transient. If I would just make peace with it, it would definitely allow me to live more consciously.
Just finished my first temple stay with my EPIK friend Natalie. Here is a breakdown of what we did, of which all the instructions where in Korean so it was a bit long and difficult to understand but included a lot of hands on crafts, traditional buddhist activities and even 2 fellow Korean adults that semi-translated everything said for us. There were a lot of people and children/middle school kids that were there, which I believe went to pray for their entrance exam's success and future goals and dreams.
Day 1: Me and my friend came into Daegu at 12am which we thought gave us plenty of time to explore and find the bus taking us up to the temple. Unfortunately, we rode it the wrong way and went to the opposite end of the city, which than took us back to the temple. We arrived there around 4pm tired and flustered before settling in. We were just in time for a little bowing lesson before heading to dinner. The dinner was so fresh, apparently all the veggies were organic and afterwards we all had to wash our own dishes. Than we went for a walk and striked a big bell before going for a 2.5 H bowing/meditation lecture session under the giant Buddha stone of Donghwasa. Since it's almost Budhha's birthday, a lot of lanterns were up which made up for a spectacular view. We all sat on mats and listened to the monk lecture and chant in Korean while learning proper meditation positions, before doing the ultimate 108 bow. Apparently I did very well, according to my friend and honestly fairly enjoyed as it didn't feel like that much work. When I was at the temple, I was overcome by emotion several times thinking of how I was standing there, experiencing something I had only read through books a few years ago. Suddenly realizing how much peaceful I had become at that present moment when I was stressing over small things and relationships in the past like life wasn't worth living. Anyway, than it was lights out at 9pm and off to sleep for everyone. The rooms were very simple, with thin mattresses for the floor. I had trouble falling sleeping until midnight so I managed to sleep 4H before being woken up for the next day at 4:30am. That sounds really insane..the earliest I woke up for in my life. But it wasn't that bad since I was expecting it, and being in the temple environment I wasn't complaining.
Day 2: We went to the main temple building to study some buddha chants in Korean, which I had a small idea of what it was about because there were Chinese translations below. Than, we headed off to breakfast which was delicious and plentiful- Rice cake soup, sides, and purple grain rice. Than, we sandpapered a wooden saucer, painted that and did a intense tea ceremony of almost 2H. It literally consisted of swishing tea water, "mindfully" pouring water into porcelain bowls, into tea cups, rinsing and washing the tea set and some rice balls for sides along with the tea. It reminded me of how nice it is to be mindful and slow when doing mundane tasks- something as simple as pouring tea. went for lunch and finally painted a fan+made 108 beaded necklace. Finally, we had an closing video of all the photos taken of participants throughout the stay. It was a great experience, a little intense and confusing due to lack of communication barrier. It definitely inspired me to keep studying Buddhism.
Afterwards, we were super exhausted so headed back to downtown to get Mcdonalds and Baskin Robbins before heading home. What a fulfilled weekend, nice and relaxing and different for a change rather than the same old clubbing/shopping life. I really liked it!
These 2 festivals both took place in my city, one is a latern festival around a bridge/river 5 minute walk from my house and the other is a Bullfighting festival that's supposed to be the biggest in Asia. It's not gory like the spanish bullfights where man kills bull, it's just 2 bulls against each other. It was a fun weekend exploring my own area!
Went to the wine tunnel in our town, Cheongdo with friends last week and had a blast taking pictures and walking through the tunnel looking at sculptures, lights, trying some wine/cheese and even came across a restaurant with a prison theme. Korea is so interesting! The weather was so sunny a few hours before these pictures were taken, than started raining hard and turning cloudy than extremely rainy again. I guess I'll never escape PMS weather anywhere I go!
